It's weird how throughout my childhood and early adulthood, I had encounters with children with special needs. Early on I had to endure piano lessons with a teacher who taught classes in his small house. His 4 year old son was clearly out of control, which made my classes very difficult and unproductive. It would start off me playing a few scales and maybe a song my teacher assigned the week before, and the rest of the hour listening to my teachers son screaming, breaking things and running around like a wild animal. I'm not sure what I hated more, the kid or piano lessons, but I wasn't about to tell my parents. They would have pulled out the lecture about I shouldn't be a quitter or not to use an excuse like his son, when in fact I never practiced at home. Either way, I had to teach myself, which was playing by ear, and after 2 years of pulling it off, I finally found my escape by joining the swim team, making it difficult to do both. I always wondered if my teacher ever copped a clue his son was autistic or had Fragile X. I couldn't believe all the excuses he used to justify his son's behavior, and figured how stupid was this man. In high school, I was everyone's favorite babysitter. Sure the kids loved me, but I always cleaned the peoples house too. Just wanted to please everyone I guess. The family behind our house had a 5 and 8 year old boy and girl. I made the mistake of organizing their cabinets and refrigerator and cleaning their kitchen so good, that I was the only sitter they called. Both kids were messed up. The youngest was so cute, but still wore a diaper, and the 8 year old bounced off the walls. I found it baffling how either of the kids could go to regular school and no one picking up on their hyperactivity. Later I found out their parents were in denial and refused to put them in special education. I thought how awful they were to ignore their kids difficulties and make so many excuses for their behavior. I made about 2 bucks and hour from them, so when I found a real job at the mall, I had to say goodbye to the babysitting world. Something I hated anyway, and would never want to do again.
Getting back to meeting with the potential sitter for Cody. It was a very hard for me to imagine leaving Cody alone with a stranger. I met with her on a Monday, with my long list of excuses why he acts this way and does strange things. I blamed everything on me, or my dogs or his dad or the temperature in the house, and his constant ear infections. Those ear infections helped fuel my denial, which was in full swing at the time, and really worked well for those who had questions about Cody's behavior.
The babysitter, agreed to watch Cody, that coming Thursday, which seemed so far away from Monday, and I was thinking the world could end before that day or I could win the lottery and I wouldn't need her. Well that never happened, so I gathered up all of Cody's things, which was everything but the kitchen sink. I wanted her to have as many things available, for when he became unglued. She had other kids she watched at this time too. I would say about 7 or 8 kids plus Cody, but they were older and she had 2 high school age son's that helped her too. It was not my ideal situation, and I would change it as soon as I figured something out. I left Cody, feeling like the worse Mom on this planet, and remember crying all the way to work, and during work, and being a bitch to everyone. I called the sitter throughout the night and she had so many questions, I was unable to think of anything, but how I was going to get out of the closing shift, and get my sweet baby out of that house, which should have been condemned for being dirty and stinking like poop. I pictured the 2 high school son's of the sitters taking turns slapping Cody across the face, to stop his weird sounding cry. Then if it could not be worse, a large table of people walked in, right at closing time. This was the beginning of me making many young hostesses quit. The first one quit that night after I tore her a new asshole. She had no business sitting a table a minute or two after we closed. She didn't know, in my imagination, my son was being tortured and left to swim in his own waste, and I had to get out of this place to save his life. Fuck her and the the people who tipped like crap and the manager and the busser and the cooks and the bartender and the happy servers drinking in the bar and my car that was a 79' mustang, with a rusted out floor, and the drunk customer that wants me to chat, and all those that do not understand how difficult life is as a single Mom. I hated you all that night. And to top it all the babysitter said I had to come and get Cody, cause she had to go to bed. This was a bad day!!!!! Finally, I managed to leave, and get to her house right before midnight. Cody was sleeping, but woke up when he heard my voice. She reviewed all the strange things Cody did that night, and wanted to know if he had been tested for any disorders. I thought wow another bitch to take down, but instead I came up with the number one excuse of all. He had never been away from me, so that was why he behaved this way. Shit he was only 9 months old, give him a break. As I left, she handed me a book, and said I needed to read it. I glanced at the title quickly, seeing the words Autism.........and threw it in the back, drove home and held Cody till he fell asleep.
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