Monday, July 18, 2011

Continued...Cody picks me!

Something I must make clear before I go any further.  For me to write this blog, I feel it's important  to be true to Myself and Cody!  If anyone knows me, I walk to a different beat, and sometimes how I perceive things may not be the norm.  I have no desire to change my beliefs or points of view in order to please those that may frown at what I say. At times I will be bringing up God when writing this, but I can assure you I'm not some holy roller that knocks at your door on a Saturday morning or angry atheist troubled with today's religion.  I just know, ever since Cody was born, everything completely changed drastically, especially myself, and Thank God for that.
When I ended my last post, Cody was constantly crying and his dad was on my hit list.  We both were under the belief there was nothing wrong with Cody.  The doctors I took Cody to all said the same thing " all babies develop at their own pace."  And that answer was fine for me.  At that time I was dealing with a crappy marriage. I suppose I could go into detail about how I felt about Phil, but instead I will just say we both had no business being together, and leave it at that.  It has taken many years for us to be good friends, so it wouldn't be fair to bash him on past shit, even though he was an asshole. Still I might change my mind.

"Sidebar"  It's inevitable a shaky marriage has little to no chance of lasting, unless things change for the better somehow or one or both decide to just put up with each other. To Think having a baby to make the marriage better, like I did, is not a good idea.  I personally know the world would be a better place if marriage was a thing of the past.  I mean what actually is the point of it all?  Oh yeah, it's an industry, and it employs millions of people,  mostly Lawyers.
 There are so many" special needs" babies born every year ( and it's going to get worse before better), which frightens the hell out of me.So much attention is placed on the child, and unfortunately, someone (usually dad), gets ripped off. A couple that can stay solid together while raising a child mentally handicap, well that to me is a tough gig, actually very incredible.  I've known one or two couples over the years that still had it going on, and wow what great people. What helps is a strong support system.  It is so freakin important to not lose sight of each other, otherwise it becomes like a brother sister relationship, and that's hard to undo.  Have your "circle of trust" people, such as grandparents, aunts and uncles or good friends trained to help out when possible, because you will need it!

I think Cody was about 6 months old when Phil and I started to discuss ending our marriage. Phil didn't really get into the daddy thing too much. I really couldn't stand Phil anymore, because he was one mean dude.   He used the TMJ excuse a lot, but basically did what he wanted, saying "Cody only wanted to be with me." Funny thing is he is still using that line.
At this point my biggest concern for Cody was eating.  I stopped breastfeeding when he was 4 months, because he couldn't keep it down.  I really can not for the life of me remember what Cody survived on after breast milk.  Of course I had  moved on to jars of babyfood, but that wasn't well received, as you can imagine. I do know he really liked crackers and goldfish.  And I was so frustrated to say the least, and I didn't know what the Fuck I was doing, and I needed to know what was wrong with my son, so we could fix it!

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